A Call for Loving Kindness

The news brings me down. So I often look away. But I know that when I have the courage to look at what is real, to soak in the information, it becomes much easier to know what to do next. 

 

So probably, just like you, I have seen the images of angry white men with torches. My heart pounded in panic as I watched a white supremacist drive his car into a crowd at full speed, inuring many, killing one.  I feel heavy and sad that such hate still exists. Scared that this hate feels so justified that it marches proudly in public.

 

I realize as a white woman, that I am not going to say this perfectly. Part of me just wants to do nothing. To say nothing. Because I am sure there is an angle I haven’t considered. And I don’t want to cause further hurt.  But it seems even more hurtful to say nothing. So here is my imperfect and well intentioned go at it.

 

When I hold the feeling of those angry white men in my heart, I feel a lot of pain. A lot of hurt. I see small children who have been taught hate. Steeped in it until they feel righteous screaming it out. Steeped in hate until they know it as truth. Thoughts they have been fed until they became beliefs. I think of the pain they must feel. The disconnect. And I know that more hate is not the answer.

 

Yes, they are in a position of power in the physical world. And they are abusing it by hurting others. Really hurting others. Being complete bullies. It’s not right and it’s not fair.

 

What I also see is that this “power” they have is shallow. A power that depends on control to get one’s way. An empty shell of power.

 

What I have come to see is that the real power is seeing through the violence and hate of those men, and remembering who they really are. To look them in the eye. To try to understand how they could come to this place. To find forgiveness, to love them. To take the energetic high ground. Because we are the parents in this position. Watching a group of angry toddlers throwing the biggest, most desperate tantrum you’ve ever seen.

 

We actually have the power. The power of understanding. Understanding they are spouting fear, pain, and insecurity. We must remember the power of non-reactivity. To stand in what is true. To not cower away in fear. To try to pierce their shell of hate and anger with LOVE. To offer up forgiveness. To give them a taste of unconditional love.

 

 

(I realize this is way easier for me to do as a white woman from afar. I have no idea the strength and bravery required to remain level headed when your physical safety is being threatened.)

 

But what I do know is that I want to gather.

To gather as light workers.

To feel.

To offer up love to those hardest to love.

To search for compassion. For understanding.

To offer up strength and healing to those dealing with this hate face to face.

To release the need to right the wrong. To lay down our judgements.

To remember we are all in this together. Every single one.

To forgive. To allow space for unity.

To offer up our spiritual gifts wherever they are needed.

To feel into what is required of us to spread peace.

To cover this globe with our visions of peace.

To cover EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. 

With love.

 

You are invited to a metta [loving kindness] movement + meditation. 

There is space for us all. All levels. No previous experience required.

 

metta movement meditation.jpg

 

 

Please bring:

A token of peace with you for the altar.

(A single flower, a leaf, a candle, a crystal, anything at all of meaning to you)

Together we will create beauty, and bring home a reminder of peace, charged with all of our good vibrations.

 

Lightworkers: you are invited to contribute your healing modalities to the evening.

Contact me if you would like to contribute.

 

With all my love,

Katrina

 

'Compassion and love are not mere luxuries. 
As the source both of inner and external peace, 
they are fundamental to the continued survival of our species.'
- His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

 

“To reteach a thing its loveliness is the nature of metta. Through lovingkindness, everyone & everything can flower again from within.”  - Sharon Salzberg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Full Moon Musings: Release the Need to Succeed

Full moons are the time to release what is no longer serving you.

 

Well, well, well… I have been receiving many little (and some not so little) signs leading up to this full moon as to what those things might be.

 

And this is the shit I am letting go of (maybe you need to let go of it, too):

 

Being ‘successful’.

Trying hard.

Forcing things.

Getting all the things done.

Self-obsession.

Perfect eating.

Perfect planning.

Perfect outfits.

Perfect feelings.

 

Remembering that every good thing I have ever been given is a gift from God/ess/My Higher Self/ Universe.

 

Remember that force gets me nothing I truly want.

 

Remembering that what I want wants me. That I don't need to force it to come close to me.

 

Remembering that my joy/bliss/flow/ease are what makes me successful.

Remembering that this is what I am being asked to choose in every moment.

 

Remembering that holy smokes I am in a system that has been rigged in my total favour and all I need to do is sit back and relish in gratitude that I don’t have to have it all figured out. That I just have to follow what brings me joy, and trust that it will work out.

 

Remembering to get out of my microcosmic self-involved universe. A world full of self-imposed limits I didn’t even know I created. A made up world full of calculated predictions. A world that requires my control to architect the most perfect version of happy. A happy that always feels a little bit empty and a whole lot exhausted.

 

Remembering to trust. Remembering to go for it. To give up control and surrender into the macrocosmic flow of divine alignment.

 

Remembering to trust the wisdom in my body.

Remembering that controlling/depriving/judging it is not the way to understand and decode its messages.

Remembering to love and accept ALL of myself.

 

Affirmations:

I let go of control.

I am completely taken care of.

Everything is happening for me in perfect timing. 

The more I love myself, the more I align myself.

 

Happy full moon, beautiful people. Lots of love,

Katrina

New Moon Musings: Raise Your Standards

It’s Time to Raise Your Standards

 

Why is it that raising standards can feel so arduous, such a drawn out struggle? You know what you want, but you keep settling for the same shit over and over again. Maybe you have gotten sick of it, sick of the pattern, sick of yourself. Maybe even to the point that you have given up on wanted something more. Maybe you have settled into a dispassionate and comfortable groove of mediocrity... a.k.a. settling. 

 

We stay in less-than-ideal situations because in the moment it feels easier to deal, or compromise, or get it over with, than it is to make a fuss. We feel guilty for wanting more, wanting something else. Feeling like our desires are selfish, that we are ungrateful for what we have been given. So we make due. This behaviour of settling is as old as the sun, a force that feels as firm as gravity. It takes major oomph to push in the other direction. So this is your little reminder that......

HELLOOOOOO YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU CAN DO IT AND ITS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE SHITTY PILE OF SHIT YOU HAVE TOLERATED FOR TOO LONG AND YEAH YOU'VE DECORATED IT TO LOOK PRETTY BUT ITS STILL A PILE OF SHIT AND REMEMBER YOU HAVE LEGS SO ITS TIME TO GET UP AND GOOOOO OKAY!??

 

Stop doubting yourself. You are the only thing holding you back. If you want something to be different, than you deserve it to be so. It does not mean that you are not grateful. It does not mean that you are selfish. It does not mean that you are an insatiable, greedy, bitch. Nope, nope, nope. Trust yourself. Your desire is wise. It is older than you know. It is your intuition nudging you along a path that sometimes haspretty poor visibility. So take the next step. You are being guided for a reason. You are being asked to stand up for yourself in big ways. To defend that little voice like it matters. Because it does.

 

Love yourself. Honor yourself. Stand up for yourself.   

Happy New Moon

xo

Katrina

Full Moon Musings: Hear Me Roar

HEAR ME ROAR: Why Accessing Anger is Important

 

When was the last time you were furious? Felt it vibrating in your cells? When was the last time you expressed this anger outwardly?

 

For a very long time, I thought that anger just wasn’t in me. Sure, I felt frustrated and resentful and all that fun stuff, but that barely scratched the surface of what was really asking to be felt. Resentment and frustration usually turned into gossip because I was scared of the real anger, of the confrontation, of standing up for myself, of being (worst of all) wrong. So I chose the softer, more cowardly, and certainly less satisfying version. FYI, I’m pretty sure this watered down version of anger (resentment, complaining, gossip) is basically poison for your psyche and your body.

 

My beautiful friend and energy worker, Pearl, taught me that resentment is a more feminine attribute and anger more masculine, so it is no wonder that two very wise and loving men have helped teach me these lessons. To help bring my ultra feminine into balance.

 

My previous partner, Alex, called me out on gossip probably 3 years ago (which is brutal, by the way). It's not fun being called out like that, but it also is not fun calling people out like that. So take a moment to appreciate the truth speakers in your life. The ones who care about your long term joy more than they care about being liked by you in that moment. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Anyway, he helped me stop hiding behind gossip and have conversations with the RIGHT people. Those were both terrifying and liberating times. The conversations were humble, admitting fear, admitting shame, and coming clear about how I really felt.

The tricky thing about gossip is that it is addictive. It provides instant relief. It’s too bad that relief is also a trick, because it doesn’t solve anything. Instead it splashes your pain onto other people, asking them to agree with your suffering. Asking them to see people the same dark way you do. Why do we do this? Because we are scared. We want more people on our team. Maybe if there are enough people feeling how I feel in a loud enough way, then I will never have to say anything to the actual person. If the collective resentment is big enough, maybe the offender will give up without a fight. Oi Oi Oi, it’s a terrible cycle, and breaking it takes work. (note: If you need a coach in this matter, look no further than Alex, he's best in the world at helping people have the hard conversations in an empowered, graceful way. Reach out if you want me to connect you.)

 

It is worth it, trust me. I have been gossip free for a few years now, and it has been life changing to stop feeding such an energy sucking, perpetual distraction of an addiction. And know that, yup, just like any addiction, it is a process to kick it. So be patient with yourself <3 

 

So now that I have stopped hiding my resentment in gossip, the anger is beginning to bubble up again. Which is actually a really good thing. We are human and feeling the full range of feels is kind of an emotional vital sign. Don’t remember the last time you cried? Got angry? It is still there, under the surface, asking to be felt. Maybe it is asking in little ways, maybe really loud ways. Either way, it’s coming out or it will make you sick. Needless to say, I was kind of excited to feel angry again. It's a powerful and cathartic feeling to let it move through you.

 

Probably like a lot of you reading this, I was never exposed to healthy expressions of anger growing up. Other people’s anger made me (let’s be real and still does make me) uncomfortable. I have danced around angry people trying to control the environment to avoid setting them off. Can you relate? Lots of work. Lots of living to try to control the future, too scared to be in the present. And these patterns of protecting myself served me as a child. They did. They kept me physically safe. But as an adult, they are not. Avoiding anger keeps me from having to take a real stand. It keeps me from having to deal with my lack of confidence. It keeps me from being close to the people involved. It asks me to act okay. It robs the people I am angry at from a chance to grow. From a change to know the real me. 

 

Anger is a GIFT. You see, those things that you don’t think are fair? The things that make your blood boil and your skin crawl? They matter. Your feelings are not only valid, they are valuable information. Change cannot happen until you speak the truth of your anger.

 

The things you are angry about are also major clues to what you came here for. To your purpose. Your mission. We didn’t come here to maintain the status quo. There is a time for peace keeping, and there is a time to ROAR. Swallowing back your feelings is poisoning you. The world is getting sicker while many of us stand by cowering and scared. And yo see, it isn’t just your anger that you have swallowed. It is your mother’s and your grandmothers and your great grandmothers. Their build up, unexpressed anger was born in you. There are strong women inside of you with stiff upper lips, who have worked their entire life to keep their mouth shut. They are asking to come out. Your voice and your anger are powerful tools of change.

 

This is why it is so important to share our stories. So we can begin to see the thread that joins them all. So that we can gain perspective. So that we know we are not alone. So that when we are challenged with needing to take up space and speak up that what is happening in front of us is not ok, there is a pack of women behind you in your mind. So that when you stand up for yourself, you are standing up for us all.

 

Speak the truth, do not hold anything back. Share your real feelings with people who love you. Tell them they don’t need to say anything. No need to make it better. Just to listen.

 

More on the second lesson of anger later (a little how to guide on having the actual conversation, writing the actual letter, etc. etc.) Right now just notice what is what is there. Notice where gossip has crept in. Notice the balance of resentment and anger in your emotional landscape. Put your thoughts into words... share them with a dear friend, a journal, or if you are interested, come to our next women’s circle. A safe space to feel, share, listen, and empower each other. Contact me for details. You are not alone. There is support and community waiting for you.

 

Be brave, speak the truth. Happy full moon. Howl. Roar. Be heard

Full Moon Musings: Your Freedom is Worth It

Full Moon in Sagittarius

I have been challenged lately to stand up for what I want.

The thing that almost always stops me is other people’s upset.

I am so afraid of people being mad at me for changing my mind. For wanting to move on. So afraid to say ‘no’.

Afraid of their anger, the conflict, the difficult conversation.

 

For some reason this is the hardest lesson for me. Perhaps you have been struggling to learn it, too. Said a different way: these words are for me, and perhaps they can be useful for you, too.

 

Trying to remember that I am doing the right thing when the people around me are hurt by my honesty. The honouring of myself turning into the hurting of others seems like a really cruel joke. It can’t possibly be right that what I want equals other people’s upset. So I must be wrong. Riiight?? Ok. Yup. No problem, I guess I must have been wrong about what I really want. I don’t want to hurt people, so no problem, no problem at all then. I will just make it work. I will figure it out. I will find a more convenient thing to want.

 

Well enough of that noise.

 

It is time to follow the longing of your soul.

Your peace-keeping is keeping you small.

Yes, you are a peace keeper,

but you cannot forget that you are here on a mission

first, and foremost.

You are the lone warrior and defender of your dreams.

You are the only thing holding you back.

Your freedom is more important than their upset.

Your purpose is bigger than their offense.

 

Onward.

You can do it.

Say it with love.
Own up to what you could have done better.

Learn the lesson.

They will forgive. (in this lifetime, or the next)

Their upset is not your problem.

It is time to be true to you.

To do what you know you need to do.

 

Full moon courage being sent your way.

 

Love,

Katrina

 

 

 

New Moon Musings: The Dark Realness

KatrinaNOIR-SoundsLikeYellowPhotography-158.jpg

New Moon

in Gemini

 

I have been in quite the rut lately.

I don’t feel like doing anything.

I wonder if I am depressed.

I feel frustrated with myself for feeling so unduly unimpressed with my amazing life… aka feeling like a spoiled, ungrateful, grumpy and somehow *also* ridiculously stubborn B.R.A.T. Ugh… feelng pretty sick of myself, you know what I mean?

 

I started fighting pretty clean…. trying different kundalini kriyas feeling like a fool, forcing out my morning meditations, sipping the greenest green juice… to no avail. Then I thought, this is what I always do, maybe I need to give my inner child a go at it. So I ate oreos by the sleeve, and restarted my netflix account and binge watched entire seasons. I drive all over trying to feel better in a new place only to find myself stuck with same old me and my shitty attitude. I even bought myself new shiny things. To no avail. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? A deep, dark funk.

 

That’s the kind of cool thing about feeling lousy. Nobody is exempt, which is weird because it might be the loneliest feeling. My chiropractor asked me if I had fun on the long weekend, and I just stared blankly, because I didn’t have the heart to say “I did nothing, I felt pretty depressed.” Because I don’t want to put my shit on other people. Because I don’t want to watch them scramble to try to say something to make me feel better. So I just stay quiet. Or I lie. Welp. This means other people are doing this, too. Maybe you are doing that right. Silently feeling shitty by yourself, not knowing how to deal with it yourself, and maybe not wanting to put any more attention on it.

 

In a tremendously diverse world of opinions and beliefs, the one thing we are all trying to do is be happy and feel good. So this is my way of connecting to you, to everybody. To expose my weakness and my struggle, even when I feel like I don’t have very eloquent words to describe it, or any ground breaking, earth shattering solutions to offer.

 

One thing I have learned over the last week or so of this darkness is that I am really hard on myself. I know, I know… YAWN. Same old, same old. Always forgetting, always remembering. At any rate, I realized I have developed this insane standard for myself; that every word I write has to be incredible, resonant, original content that moves people. How exhausting. A flower cannot bloom all year. Neither can I. It’s time to go inward and take care of myself. T write for ME. To move ME. In messy ways, without a care if it helps other people, or if it sounds good. The magical thing is that when I do this for myself, when I care for the microcosm, it WILL reflect back into the macrocosm. It’s a genius system that sometimes escapes my current strategy. Trying to change the outside, pouring all my attention into the macrocosm, leaving little for myself.

 

It always comes back to the same thing. My work is the only work. When my attention drifts to needing approval or resonance from others, I quickly run dry and feel isolated.

When I am transparent, I feel known. And yeah, I’m normal. I get depressed. I eat chips and cream cheese for dinner. I try to buy myself things to feel better.

 

So whatever. I’m letting go of my attachment to being this constantly dialed in, connected writer of perpetual wisdom. Whew. It feels good to just put that one down. And I know, that is a ridiculous thing to expect of myself. I can see that now that it is staring back at me on my computer screen. Going forward, I am just going to serve up whatever is there. To get it off my chest where I can see it a little bit clearer. For me. And if it helps you too, bonus.

 

I was watching this Frida Kahlo documentary the other night scouring youtube for a hit of inspiration. And something did hit me, although it was a little bit sad. Her art, which I love so much, went mostly ignored while she was alive. That’s nuts! And she didn’t seem to give a fuck (from what I could tell). She made art for herself. 

I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.
— Frida Kahlo

I want to do the same. Because, who knows, maybe my art/writing/whatever is not meant to resonate with others right now. I have to stay honest, and stop caring about how it lands. Which is pretty difficult to do, I might add. In a land of instagram likes and analytics telling me how many people will read this very thing you are reading right now, the response is very, very, almost painstakingly shoved in my face. It is the ugly neon sign in front of the art, telling you whether it is worthy of being viewed or not, based on how liked it already is by others.

 

Time to adjust my focus. To release the attachment to being well received, understood, or celebrated, and just mind my own damn business. Take care of myself for me. Stop caring about how it looks or sounds. Did it help me? Because otherwise I am just doing the whole trying to look good thing again, in more spiritual clothes. Yuck.

 

This new moon I dive into the realness and honesty. I will not wait until I have happy things to say to share myself with others. Hear I am, raw and real.

 

Full Moon Musings: Courage to Transform

Full Moon in Scorpio

 

I haven’t personally read anything about this particular moon, but I have heard people around me talking about it’s theme of transformation. I have gotten in a bit of a swing of writing on moon days. To clear my own head, and to create a window to see what is actually on my heart. My hope is that sharing my current wavelength might help you recognize your own. Because, we are all mostly water after all, and that mighty moon is pulling us all in the same direction. That’s what is so fascinating to me about astrology. Planets and stars moving and pulling us in different directions. Nobody is exempt. 

 

So today I want to talk about the bravery and courage required to t.r.a.n.s.f.o.r.m.

 

I have been thinking and wondering why some people transform and why others can’t seem to get it together. I have been feeling frustrated with some people in my life who seem to be holding themselves back in such obvious ways. It seems so clear to me that they are SO set up to be successful, that they are SO supported in making that leap, but they don’t seem to share that same view of their capabilities, regardless of how convincing I am. The thing they seem to be hit so hard up against is…. FEAR. Yup, even though they know who they have been isn’t who they want to continue to be, the fear of the UNKNOWN future keeps them locked in.

 

 

I was raised on this Christian song called Trust and Obey… it came across pretty fear based when I was a child. The flavour was more “ignore your feelings and just trust God/Jesus and what he said in the Bible,” than, “trust your gut and obey the yearnings of your heart.” Now that I have adjusted my relationship to God/universal consciousness/Love/higher self/etc., the song has taken on a whole new meaning. In fact, I have made “Trust and Obey” my new mantra, and daaaamn it is powerful.

 

The thing that has changed, is that instead of trusting someone else’s rules in an ancient book, I am trusting and obeying my intuition, my instincts, that little whisper that is giving me a yes, giving me sign after sign, and opportunity after opportunity to learn the lesson, to know I am cared for, and to know I am not alone. You just need to be brave enough to listen to every little nudge.  Or don’t, but then the signs have to get louder and more dramatic to catch your very stubborn attention.

 

So yes, if you are reading this, this is probably another one of those nudges, telling you that you can do it, that you need to be brave, and it will all work out.  Trust and obey. You are being guided. Your desires are not tricking you. They are leading you to becoming your most fulfilled self. And sometimes they are scary shit. And you are capable of handling everything you have been given. The braver you can be, the better the prize. It’s a brilliant system really. Just get practiced at doing scary stuff. Having the brutal conversation the minute you know it needs to happen. Saying you are scared the second you are scared. Admitting you were wrong when you realize you were wrong, and standing up for yourself when you feel someone trying to diminish you. Have the courage to completely change your life, because you know you are doing things out of habit and obligation instead of inspiration and guidance. Be brave enough to listen to that nudge of God even when the people in your life might not understand, or even adamantly oppose you. You are not alone. When you follow the pull of what is guiding you, you are moving with such a tidal wave of support behind you, that if you could see it, you would laugh at your own fear.

 

This full moon, I pray for the collective, for YOU. To listen to the nudges and the whispers, to know your own strength, your own bravery. To trust and obey. To know that the universe is behind you.

 

Make that leap. Make that change. I know that fear. Let it thrill you instead of terrify you. May you begin to recognize fear as a sign of your life getting way better instead of worse. Fear is simply a precursor to transformation. May you remember who is behind you. How supported you are. Fear has nothing on the truth of who you really are, and what you came here to do.  You will never feel more alive than that moment after you jump, after you do something terrifying. You came here to be alive. The massive contrast is part of the human experience, and once you stop letting fear repel you from what you want, you get to have what you want. All of it. You just have to be willing to feel the fear, and do it anyways.

 

FULL MOON BLESSINGS + A MASSIVE BELIEF IN YOU,

 

Katrina Marie

 

 

The Art of Receiving - Divine Femininity

I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the seemingly daunting task of growing. Growing up emotionally, spiritually, or just as an adult and I want the way my life to progress.  I feel pushed to the max effort wise, yet still want so much more abundance to be flowing out of my efforts, and the equation doesn’t seem to work out. Can you relate? You want more result, but you are so close to burn out that it seems you can’t possibly work harder, so you settle for the fact that life is just hard, and you will somehow find the motivation to plug through, just like everyone else.

 

This feels. So. Freaking. Real.

 

Let me walk you through what helps me turn this around. And also, disclaimer, this took me about a week of spinning my tail and working way too hard to realize that something had to give. Like crappy sleeps, moodiness, and 7 days of exhaustion later to remember I have the tools to shift this shit. Do the work. You can’t stay vibrating in scarcity, because it is all you will see everywhere, and it becomes a really mean slave driver inside your head that insists you need to squeeze more doing into every waking moment, and robs you of actual peace in your sleeping moments.

 

Here is my step by step guide to shift from desparation + effort to relaxation + receiving.

 

 

1. Write down what is real. What have you received/manifested/created in the past week/month/year? These could be things that came to you really easily, or you have wanted for a long time, or have made your life much easier. Whatever it is, begin to write down the things/people/circumstances that have blessed you recently.

 

This is tremendously powerful because we are often so blessed at such a rapid rate, that we forget to even acknowledge all the good that is coming in. We almost instantaneously take it for granted. Instead of receiving graciously, we become greedy, spoiled brats. Blech. The worst. Nobody wants to give to a spoiled brat. Not God, not the universe, not even yourself. Acknowledging and feeling grateful is the medicine to spoiled brat syndrome. You stop being a greedy child, and become a divine feminine vessel to receive. It also feels better. Win, win, win for the whole wide world.

 

2. This list is going to start to affect you. As you see the blessings, and you take time to acknowledge them, you begin to get in reality that you really are taken care of. The next step is rewiring your brain out of scarcity into this real place of abundance using affirmations. If you are like me, and you have dug deep into the neaural pathway trenches of scarcity and required-slave-driver-like-business for over a week, you have some work to do. Our adult brains are changeable, or in fancy science speak, they are “neuroplastic,” meaning our beliefs and our patterns are changeable. Affirmations are the quickest more effective way I know how to do this.

Coming up with your own is really the most potent way, but it can feel foreign at first. Try writing each of these out at least three times to get started:

I am growing at the perfect pace.

I am growing at the perfect pace.

I am growing at the perfect pace.

 

I am taken care of always.

I am taken care of always

I am taken care of always.

 

I have everything I need. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have everything I need. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have everything I need. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

I receive graciously.

I receive graciously.

I receive graciously.

 

I am safe to relax. Everything is coming to me.

I am safe to relax. Everything is coming to me.

I am safe to relax. Everything is coming to me.

 

 

That is it. It is a two-step process. Notice how much better you feel after doing this. You were made to feel good. Sometimes we forget that we live in a playground. That we came here to ENJOY. That we are powerful creators, and so much of our toil is self inflicted, and originates right in between our very own ears. Which is really great news, because it is 100% in our control to change.

 

We all contain both masculine and feminine. Tune in to your divine feminine. That part of you that was made to receive, without effort, just with a little bit of focus, and a whole lot of appreciation.

 

I hope this helps you with whatever you are going through. Sending each of you so much love and a whopping dose of clarity, to see yourself as you really are: beautiful, bountiful, and blissful.

 

 

 

Sexual Frustration

Does this scene sound familiar to you?

 

You are having sex with someone you love. But you’re really fucking frustrated. No matter how much you communicate or what is going on in the {{physical}} plane, you cannot get enough. Insatiable…but not in the hot way. 

 

There is a fixation on lacking something. A feeling of being up in your head. Disconnected from your body. Instead of creating something, you are waiting for something. Waiting for what you want to come to you, to be given to you. Waiting for something/someone to MAKE you cum.

 

It initiates a minor panic. Is this the right partner? Is this the beginning of the end? I need something else. Something more. Something different. Feeling embarrassed or guilty that this person you love seems to be causing you so much frustration. Feeling like you are owed something.

 

Disconnect.

Wanting.

Doubting.

 

Ahhhh yes. You have likely shown up to partner sex in a deficit state. You are under-fucked by your SELF. You have likely lost touch with the subtlety of sensation. The enjoyment in the ride. Now fixated on the destination. Forgetting to make art with a person you love because you waited too long. You are so hungry for sexual satiation that desperation has made orgasm the focus. Stuck in an impossible future.

 

When women are disconnected from themselves they have disconnected partner sex.

When women are connected to themselves they have connected partner sex. Women who turn themselves on regularly have a trusting and reliable relationship with themselves, their intuition, and what is right for them. So when they choose to have partner sex, they are clear on what is their stuff and what is the other persons. They are clear on what they want, and they don't need anything. They have a bounty themselves, and they have come to share the overflow. 

When women are out of touch with the deep depth of sexual energy that often runs below the surface of busy, every day life,  they forget the river is even there. Desire seems to go missing. Then, when connecting with a partner, whether out of obligation, or good timing, or coaxing, or what have you, the current is already moving to fast. You forget how much you have wanted, and no partner can satiate this need. To listen to your SELF. To connect to SELF. To give your SELF the best time. To make art with your own body, completely unattached to how it looks as a whole. Staying in the moment.

 

Does this sound foreign? It can be yours. Work on your sex-for-one and it will overflow into the hottest, most present, beautiful sex-for-two when the time is right.

 

Almost everything is being sold to us these days. Some in obvious ways, some in subtle ways (ahem, intstagram feed). Yet nowhere do I see masturbation being promoted. I’m talking next level masturbation. Not rubbing one out. Not jerking off. I’m talking about making fucking art with your glorious body. Enjoying the sensation and the sensuality of being in a body with body parts made just for pleasure. It’s kind of a miracle. It’s free. It’s healing. It’s nurturing. It’s good for you. It’s good for your reproductive health, your mental health, your stress levels. AND IT’S FUCKING FREE. Did I mention that? You also don’t need anyone else, or to go anywhere. It’s the best.

 

We need to talk about this more. So here it is. If you are reading this, consider this your reminder to go masturbate. Become your greatest lover. You will benefit. The world will benefit. Can you imagine if the whole world was having mind-blowing sex with THEMSELVES?!

 

I could go on and on. But I will stop.

 

If you feel in a rut. If you feel the call to drop into this river of desire. To drop shame. To confront your fears. To nurture yourself. To take the time to give to yourself. If you need help with this and you are ready to join in one of the most sacred circles that ever existed, then join us for the next BODYSEX workshop. We’ve had a little flurry of women reach out to us in the past week asking for our next dates. I have felt it in my own life. It is time to redirect the focus on cultivating our sexual relationship with ourselves. I cannot wait to see who will be called into the circle this time. 

 

The next one will run July 8-9, in Hamilton, Ontario. Save the dates, more details to follow. Click here to read about our last circle, and don’t hesitate to reach out and ask questions.

New Moon Musings: Release the Mess

NEW MOON IN TAURUS

 

I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. My body, and more specifically, my period/menses/cycle has been teaching me a lot lately… Also, why, why, WHY don’t we have a better word for this yet? Moon time… can’t quite take it seriously. Period…sounds awful. Menstruation…too medical. Anyways, that thing! It’s doing it’s thang in my body right now.

 

So I took this years round of Vaginal Kung Fu with this awesome woman (it was life changing), and I learned so much about my body (more on that later). One of the suggestions that were made, was to try wearing a pad or just bleed out every now and then when you are at home to really let your body release.  As a die hard Diva cup fan, I had some questions.

 

Apparently the Diva Cup can press against a lot of the delicate reflexology points inside the vagina, especially if you wear it day in, day out, as I usually do, and it is good to give them a break. I was pretty skeptical as I absolutely hate wearing pads. I wore one of day one of my very first period, and that was the last time that happened. But I was willing to give it another go. So off I marched to the health food store, and left with a luna pad (and a whole whack of new period things to try).

 

So I put this Luna pad on (they’re super soft washable pads made in Vancouver). ImmediatelyI felt weird, like I was wearing a diaper. And you will not believe what happened. I went from medium flow to absolutely nothing the moment I switched from my Diva Cup to the pad. I had the weird urge to go pee an insane amount. Like three times as much, and whenever I would pee, I would bleed into the toilet. It was like I was holding this old layer in. On some level I didn’t feel safe to release. I woke up 3 or 4 times during the night, and each time, I woke with this subtle feeling of fear and tension in my vagina.

 

Same thing in the morning. I got a bunch of busy work done, but couldn’t shake the feeling of holding in, or tension. And still, not a drop. Except when I went to the toilet.

 

So I set up in restorative yoga with the intention of letting go, and chilling the fuck out.

 

I breathed big. I felt myself begin to settle. And the first thing that came to me was: you are safe to release.

 

I remember many times throughout my life not feeling safe to be myself. Not feeling safe to become more of myself and shed the layers of the past. I had this level of embarrassment around growing. Like I should stay this static, perfect thing. Growing is messy. And to become a new version of myself felt vulnerable. To admit that I don’t have it all figured out, and that I was wrong, to make a mess.

 

Ahhhh… Just like my period.  I am scared to release. And scared to make a mess. So I hold it in. I didn't realize I was doing this with the diva cup, as it was so contained and held so close to my cervix. I never really had to feel the let down of it leaving my body. Thank you body, for this reminder.

Today, on this new moon, I will remember that I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. So that I may let go of who I have been and step into who I am meant to be.

 

As I type this now, I feel my body finally letting go, releasing an old mess I have been holding on to for too long. I bow to this mysterious, highly intuitive time that is gifted to me each month. Asking me to let go, and begin anew.

 

New moon blessings and happy releasing.

YOU ARE SAFE TO RELEASE.

Make a mess.

You are safe.

I love you,

Katrina

p.s. never giving up on my diva cup... that thing is a life saver!