[Thanks to Kendell for this photo]
Equinox is when the sun is hitting Earth in perfect balance on the equator. Equal parts light and equal parts dark. Equal day and equal night.
We are lunar/celestial beings who are constantly being pulled by these forces based on the fact that we. are. matter. YES YES YES, we are spirit. But there is no denying our humanity. Our human-ness.
This time leading up to equinox has been a huge reminder to me that I am both human and spirit. I have put a lot of effort on trying to keep the ‘human-ness’ at bay. I forget that I have needs and limitations inside of this physical realm. I know a plant needs water and light, but I forget that I, too, have needs. Regular maintenance needs.
I put these last.
They get big enough that they begin to cry out louder, becoming spiritual problems. Ones that I can't avoid. Questioning my purpose, doubting my capability. When, in reality, it is my human-ness asking me to slow down, to take a break. Simple. But I ignore my own pleas until they become an existential crisis.
Sometimes I forget what my care instructions even are. They morph and they change-- yes. But they most certainly still exist. I like to pretend they don’t matter. That I am beyond these things. These creature comforts. So I plow through. Until my body trembles to a halt. All of a sudden giving up. Crying over lost keys. Overwhelmed by the future. Uncertain of everything. Stopped. To a halt.
Stopped until I remember to find the latest care instructions. To sit down. Not just to calm myself down to fall asleep. But to calm myself down to actually listen. To open myself to accept a new set of care instructions. I must remember that sitting and watching and listening and calming myself is the only way. There are no short cuts. That I must stop to listen to the answers. To let go of my pride and my idea of what I should need, of what I should want, and to just listen. To listen to what I want right now. Because we change. I change. And I am endlessly thankful for that. And here is the trick: the changing and the growing needs to be balanced with listening. You don’t get to listen once and then know what to do forever. You need to pay attention to yourself, on the regular. I need to pay attention to myself. On the regular. The world isn’t ending. You are still valuable. You just need to listen again.
It’s a new journey back to the same place. To self love.
I invite you to join me.
To balance the changing with listening.
To remember to listen.
To receive the new set of care instructions.
All my love,
Sitting down to listen (aka MEDITATING) can be tough. Not physically, but for some reason, we resist it. Having guidance can help big time.
If you are in the Hamilton area, check out Zee Float for pay what you can meditation Monday-Thursday.
Tara Brach is an incredible meditation teacher who has tons of free recorded meditations found here.
Find a community of other people who are seeking mindfulness + self reflection. Having a yoga community has been my life line ever since I was a teenager. I welcome you to join mine over here. Your first class is free.