New Moon Musings: Release the Mess



I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. My body, and more specifically, my period/menses/cycle has been teaching me a lot lately… Also, why, why, WHY don’t we have a better word for this yet? Moon time… can’t quite take it seriously. Period…sounds awful. Menstruation…too medical. Anyways, that thing! It’s doing it’s thang in my body right now.


So I took this years round of Vaginal Kung Fu with this awesome woman (it was life changing), and I learned so much about my body (more on that later). One of the suggestions that were made, was to try wearing a pad or just bleed out every now and then when you are at home to really let your body release.  As a die hard Diva cup fan, I had some questions.


Apparently the Diva Cup can press against a lot of the delicate reflexology points inside the vagina, especially if you wear it day in, day out, as I usually do, and it is good to give them a break. I was pretty skeptical as I absolutely hate wearing pads. I wore one of day one of my very first period, and that was the last time that happened. But I was willing to give it another go. So off I marched to the health food store, and left with a luna pad (and a whole whack of new period things to try).


So I put this Luna pad on (they’re super soft washable pads made in Vancouver). ImmediatelyI felt weird, like I was wearing a diaper. And you will not believe what happened. I went from medium flow to absolutely nothing the moment I switched from my Diva Cup to the pad. I had the weird urge to go pee an insane amount. Like three times as much, and whenever I would pee, I would bleed into the toilet. It was like I was holding this old layer in. On some level I didn’t feel safe to release. I woke up 3 or 4 times during the night, and each time, I woke with this subtle feeling of fear and tension in my vagina.


Same thing in the morning. I got a bunch of busy work done, but couldn’t shake the feeling of holding in, or tension. And still, not a drop. Except when I went to the toilet.


So I set up in restorative yoga with the intention of letting go, and chilling the fuck out.


I breathed big. I felt myself begin to settle. And the first thing that came to me was: you are safe to release.


I remember many times throughout my life not feeling safe to be myself. Not feeling safe to become more of myself and shed the layers of the past. I had this level of embarrassment around growing. Like I should stay this static, perfect thing. Growing is messy. And to become a new version of myself felt vulnerable. To admit that I don’t have it all figured out, and that I was wrong, to make a mess.


Ahhhh… Just like my period.  I am scared to release. And scared to make a mess. So I hold it in. I didn't realize I was doing this with the diva cup, as it was so contained and held so close to my cervix. I never really had to feel the let down of it leaving my body. Thank you body, for this reminder.

Today, on this new moon, I will remember that I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. So that I may let go of who I have been and step into who I am meant to be.


As I type this now, I feel my body finally letting go, releasing an old mess I have been holding on to for too long. I bow to this mysterious, highly intuitive time that is gifted to me each month. Asking me to let go, and begin anew.


New moon blessings and happy releasing.


Make a mess.

You are safe.

I love you,


p.s. never giving up on my diva cup... that thing is a life saver!