NEW MOON IN TAURUS
I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. My body, and more specifically, my period/menses/cycle has been teaching me a lot lately… Also, why, why, WHY don’t we have a better word for this yet? Moon time… can’t quite take it seriously. Period…sounds awful. Menstruation…too medical. Anyways, that thing! It’s doing it’s thang in my body right now.
So I took this years round of Vaginal Kung Fu with this awesome woman (it was life changing), and I learned so much about my body (more on that later). One of the suggestions that were made, was to try wearing a pad or just bleed out every now and then when you are at home to really let your body release. As a die hard Diva cup fan, I had some questions.
Apparently the Diva Cup can press against a lot of the delicate reflexology points inside the vagina, especially if you wear it day in, day out, as I usually do, and it is good to give them a break. I was pretty skeptical as I absolutely hate wearing pads. I wore one of day one of my very first period, and that was the last time that happened. But I was willing to give it another go. So off I marched to the health food store, and left with a luna pad (and a whole whack of new period things to try).
So I put this Luna pad on (they’re super soft washable pads made in Vancouver). ImmediatelyI felt weird, like I was wearing a diaper. And you will not believe what happened. I went from medium flow to absolutely nothing the moment I switched from my Diva Cup to the pad. I had the weird urge to go pee an insane amount. Like three times as much, and whenever I would pee, I would bleed into the toilet. It was like I was holding this old layer in. On some level I didn’t feel safe to release. I woke up 3 or 4 times during the night, and each time, I woke with this subtle feeling of fear and tension in my vagina.
Same thing in the morning. I got a bunch of busy work done, but couldn’t shake the feeling of holding in, or tension. And still, not a drop. Except when I went to the toilet.
So I set up in restorative yoga with the intention of letting go, and chilling the fuck out.
I breathed big. I felt myself begin to settle. And the first thing that came to me was: you are safe to release.
I remember many times throughout my life not feeling safe to be myself. Not feeling safe to become more of myself and shed the layers of the past. I had this level of embarrassment around growing. Like I should stay this static, perfect thing. Growing is messy. And to become a new version of myself felt vulnerable. To admit that I don’t have it all figured out, and that I was wrong, to make a mess.
Ahhhh… Just like my period. I am scared to release. And scared to make a mess. So I hold it in. I didn't realize I was doing this with the diva cup, as it was so contained and held so close to my cervix. I never really had to feel the let down of it leaving my body. Thank you body, for this reminder.
Today, on this new moon, I will remember that I AM SAFE TO RELEASE. So that I may let go of who I have been and step into who I am meant to be.
As I type this now, I feel my body finally letting go, releasing an old mess I have been holding on to for too long. I bow to this mysterious, highly intuitive time that is gifted to me each month. Asking me to let go, and begin anew.
New moon blessings and happy releasing.
YOU ARE SAFE TO RELEASE.
Make a mess.
You are safe.
I love you,
p.s. never giving up on my diva cup... that thing is a life saver!